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Emergency teeth to temporarily replace those knocked out by mistake. An instrument invented by the man who couldn’t decide how big the one was that got away; 2. Accordion Music: Noise that comes from playing both ends against the middle. One who is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study. Advergaming: Marketing strategy of using video games in which products, brands & logos are placed in the game context to build familiarity. Said to improve cardiopulmonary fitness of those who survive. Affianced: Fitted with an ankle ring for ball-and-chain. A fellow who rises to the occasion - and then stands too long; 2. Usage: “Pass me attair gravy, please.” Attentional Blink: A brief period of inattention following the locating of a target item in a stream of visual stimuli. Auction: A place where, if you aren’t careful, you’ll get something for nodding. The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue; 2. A vehicle which is rapidly dividing mankind into two classes: the quick and the dead; 4. Autonomy: What there will be if I gain another 1,800 pounds. Blizzard, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse). Avenge Yourself: Live long enough to be a problem to your children. Something that gets you down in the daytime and up at night; 9. Bacchus: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. A chap who believes it’s much better to have loved and lost than to have to get up for the 2 A. A guy with just a single thought: staying that way; 7. A man who can pull on his socks from either end; 13. A place that will lend you money if you can prove you don’t need it. Banquette: The correct rules and behaviour to be followed when you meet your money lender. Barefoot Luxury: A high standard of service in a relaxed and casual setting as at a beachfront hotel. A disease common to women, caught in the Sunday papers and developed in department stores on Mondays; 2. A game in which you young man who bravely strikes out for himself receives no praise for it; 2. Bawl: (Southern) What water does at 212 degrees Fahrenheit. Betamaxed: When a technology is overtaken in the market by inferior but better marketed competition, as in “Microsoft betamaxed Apple right out of the market.” Betrayed: Ready to go through the cafeteria line. Bewilder: An insect who forgot to take his Ritalin. Bibliomania & Bibliolatry: Symptoms related to “Overdue Excuses Awards for Library Books” Bid: A wild guess carried out to two decimal places. Convictions: What an employee has after he knows what the boss thinks.

Backbite: To speak of a man as you find him when he can’t find you.

Agony of Defeat: What marathon runners with bad footwear suffer from. The only known substance that will make a woman beautiful when taken internally - by her escort. It should never be loaded into your computer’s memory. Altos: Not to be confused with “Tom’s toes”, “Bubba’s toes, ”, or “Dori-toes. Amateur Athlete: An athlete who is paid only in cash - not by cheque. A nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but can think of nothing to do when it gets there; 3. Applause: Applause before a speaker begins his talk is an act of faith; Applause during the speech is an act of hope; Applause after he has concluded is an act of charity. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money. Australia: A country lying in the South Sea, whose industrial and commercial development has been unspeakably retarded by an unfortunate dispute among geographers as to whether it is a continent or an island. A selfish, inconsiderate rat who is depriving some deserving woman of her rightful alimony; 34. Bad Husband: The only thing that beats a good wife. Bakinmyday: A law passed in the early 1900s that made it mandatory to build all schools at least 15 miles from all future grandfathers. Balanced Budget: When money in the bank and the days of the month come out together. Bald Eagle: Large bird too vain to buy a hairpiece. Bargain Sale: A place where a woman can ruin one dress while she buys another. Beergasm: The climatic moment when you take the first sip at the end of the day. Beepilepsy: The brief seizure people sometimes suffer when their beepers go off, especially in vibrator mode. Beggar: One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.

Agriculturist: One who makes his money in town and blows it in the country. Alcoholic: A person you don’t like who drinks as much as you do. A shouted request for assistance by an out-of-bounds European skier on a U. However, you can have endless hours of fun loading it into the computer of the guy who sits next to you. Where you buy a lifetime supply of aspirin for one dollar, and use it up in two weeks; 4. Appetite: The one thing bigger than an overweight person's stomach. Architects: People who now have to measure their patrons for the breakfast nook. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. Artistic Temperament: Seldom recognized until it’s too old to spank. Australian Kiss: Same as French Kiss, only down under. A fool who, not content with having bored those who have lived with him, insists on boring future generations; 2. A writer with connections in the publishing industry; 4. A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony; 35. Bad Luck: To have thirteen people seated at the table when you’re paying for the drinks. Baggage Claim: The most difficult area of the airport to find. Usage: “If you don’t stop reading these Southern words and git back to work, your bahs is gonna far you! Bald-headed Man: One who, when expecting callers, has only to straighten his necktie. Baritone: Note emanating from Senator Goldwater, or from singer Manilow. Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions, and stopping speech in mid-sentence.

A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth of power. Someone who would rather have a small role than a long loaf; 7. Actor’s Agent: A guy who sometimes bites the ham who feeds him. Admissions Office: Where you’re taken to admit that you’ve mooned the keynote speaker during ’new student weekend.’ Admonition: 1. A period in which children begin to question the answers; 4. Biscuit Dough: A primitive adhesive used extensively and successfully by brides to prevent loss of their wedding bands. Blonde Joe-ks: Joe-ks that are short so men can understand them. Occurs when the person you are speaking with won’t let you get a word in edgewise or has just said something so astonishing that your train gets derailed. Boaster: A person with whom it is sooner done than said. BP: Company in Gulf of Mexico that turns your barbecue into a tarbecue. The thing you are forced to use if you haven’t much formal education; 3. What a man looks for in a wife, after not using any in selecting one; 2. Briefcase: A trial where the jury gets together and forms a lynching party. An inner voice that warns us somebody is looking; 17. Consciousness-Raising: The fine art of teaching well-adjusted citizens to view themselves as victims of oppression.

Aboriginies: Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. Absecon: An annual conference held at the Cobalt Hotel, Vancouver, for people who haven’t got any other conferences to go to. When a boy has reached the state when he knows why a strapless gown must be held up, but doesn’t understand how; 9. That which makes you think you’ve longed all your life for something you never even heard of; 2. The fine art of making you think you have longed all your life for something you never heard of before; 4. The science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it. Something which we give by the bushel but take by the grain; 2. Bathing Suit, Modern: Two bandannas and a worried look. A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning; 2. A man whom few care to see but many ask to call again. Book Censor: A person who reads so much he gets asterisks in front of his eyes. The guy who watches the clock during the coffee break; 4. Bowling Alley: A quiet place of amusement where you can hear a pin drop. A jobless person who shows executives how to work; 3. The only person who can do what everyone else would like to do - pat himself on the back. Core Storage: A receptacle for the center section of apples. Coronary Bypass: When the king’s youngest son is crowned instead of the eldest. Corporal: As high as you go and still have friends. Coupe D’Etat: The forcible takeover of a government by someone in a 2-door car.

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